ONE STEP AT A TIME

Whew.
I really don't want to write, but made a commitment.

Last week, started taking a HIV Health Management Course. Was pretty skeptacal at first. I'm taking it primarily because I was asked by the county to go to Standford and take a course to become a leadership trainer for further courses. I figured that before I started training other course instructors, maybe I should take the course to begin with.
The purpose of the course it to offer managmenet tools, in a support group setting for those dealing with HIV. In my class, there's 6 people with HIV. I was skeptical about the course for myself in that I've had HIV for so long, that I think I'm already doing a good job in managing my illness -- and the idea of "support groups", with their whining and complaining, and wallowing in their illness isn't for me. There is a practical aspect to this course, and of course, I can always learn something new.
One of the lessons of the course is to set weekly goals. My first week I decided to eat an extra helping of vegtable a day. (OK, simple I know...)
For this week, I said I would explore some of the issues concerning my health, in at least four blog entries.
What brought this up is that I woke up in the middle of the night several times the past week -- not really a nightmare, but just going over the limited possibilities of my future. Of course, I know I've been in worse places in the past, but after having been relatively healthy for the past few years, this is a new unwelcomed space to be in.
I'm just concentrating on living each moment -- though this week has had some disappointments in it. I've wanted on several days to go on a strenuous hike up the Mazama trail one more time. I wasn't interested unless I could do the whole 14 miles -- staring again at the side of Mt. Hood. I'm afraid of compromizing my health, knowing that I would probably end up with a feverish feeling for several days after the trip. I know I am bidding my time right now, waiting for some possiblity in the future -- if there even are any good possiblity.
So I'm just been going on the climb in my mind -- but not feeling the same...