Yea, yea --- I know the concept....
Become aware of your negative thoughts, and then change them into positive ones.
The negative thoughts I've been going through for the past couple of days since finding out on Wednesday that my test for Fuzeon resistence has come back showing that -- yes indeedy, I probably am resistent to Fuzeon.
So -- my thoughts are of just giving up, what's the use. I think alot of it has to do with the initial disappointment and feelings of loss. The loss I feel is that of the final hope I had that I could somehow find myself a viable treatment, become undetectable, and be able to look forward to the next 5-10 years of life, being reasonably healthy. Now I realize that the struggle will continue to be from month to month. So much of my life, and my defiance of my illness has been around being physically fit. Now, can I live with AIDS while having to deal with constant fatigue and limitations. Will I climb other mountains?
Somehow, trying to just turn it all into negative thoughts just doesn't work for me.
I know from all my research about the drugs coming up what the limitations of my life will now be. I'm dealing with the immediate real loss that has happened to me -- and it's important for me to be with that loss honestly and realistically -- to embrace it and hold it, and to include it as part of who I am now, like it or not.
I've always dealt with my illness head on, holding back no punches.
That is how I survive.
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